i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
the raccoons are back...
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