a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
