You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
