White coat. Heels.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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