He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
