he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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