if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
