Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize