I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize