he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
