god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
