The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
