What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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