All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
