it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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