Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
