uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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