I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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