I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
