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why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
