My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish you could order shots online.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
