I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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