He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
