I am in a vortex of obligation.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
