I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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