i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
