Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
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Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
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WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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