Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
