In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
