he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
