please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
