Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize