I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
