Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My cat gives me a boner
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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