my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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