Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
