ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
