I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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