I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
