Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
