I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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