last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Semen is not good for contacts.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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