btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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