Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
