In the future we'll all be gay
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
