smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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