This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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