hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
