Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
