So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
