Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
