just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
