I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
