i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
