i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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