i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
