Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
