I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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