i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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