we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
