Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize