I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
