Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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