My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
