last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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