bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
