Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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