I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
